Is your relationship in trouble? Recognising the warning signs.
What are the warnings signs that your relationship, partnership or marriage is hurtling towards an abrupt end?
Who is most likely to put the brakes on first and jump out?
Most divorces are initiated by women, with almost two thirds of divorces being filed by them first.
Women generally seem to be the first to want out of a relationship or marriage. This is partly because they see themselves as being in charge of the relationship dynamics and in most cases they are the determining factor for success or failure. This stems from the fact that in most instances they see themselves directly responsible for resolving most if not all of the conflict that arises in and out of the relationship. Once they give up and throw in the towel, the fight most males are left in absolute dismay as they did not see it coming.
When it comes to relationship bliss most men are oblivious as to what their partner is really feeling on the inside and as a result they miss most of the subtle and sometimes most obvious signs that their partner is not happy.This puts untold pressure on the relationship and soon the spark and the burning desire for each other that once existed is lost.
There are 4 warning signs when it comes to recognising if your relationship is in trouble. This week we will consider the first sign that should be recognised and then resolved to bring back the love between you and your partner.
Warning #1 Criticism
I don’t know anyone that doesn’t have a small complaint or gripe about his or her partner. Complaining is normal and even healthy as long as it is done in a constructive and sympathetic way. Complaints that are specific are employed by all of us in an attempt to change our partner’s behaviour. Through this conflict we attempt to achieve an alternative outcome.
For example: I’m not very happy that we don’t go to the movies together once and while anymore.
Criticism is personal
Criticism on the other hand is personal, it attacks the personality or character of your partner and can be damaging to any interpersonal relationship, let alone your marriage.
….You just hate going to the movies with me its just the way you are. What’s the matter with you? You never want to do anything fun with me anymore….
We can all see that criticism can escalate and become destructive to our relationship. It’s like lighting a stick of dynamite attaching it to your partner and expecting it not to hurt a little when it blows. This is an unrealistic expectation to have.
Acknowledge the criticism
If you have criticised your partner then it is best to acknowledge it. Explain the circumstances and your reasons for it.
…I was angry because you don’t want to come to the movies with me; I need some me time with you once a while, and I miss the old days before the kids when we used to go to the movies together…
Criticism is destructive if it is not acknowledged
Remember, criticism becomes destructive when it is not acknowledged. We begin to feel that we are not being heard, so the next time we are criticised it quickly stirs up old feelings and memories of the past, further damaging the foundations of your relationship.
If the criticism continues, a vicious thought pattern cycle will soon develop between the two of you and repair in your relationship will become more and more difficult to achieve.
The repair process begins with acknowledgement
So begin the repair process by acknowledging your criticism, explain the reasons and the circumstances and you will prevent the first crack in an otherwise strong founded relationship.