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I still love my cocktails at night

April 17, 2011 10:10 pm by: Category: Marriage, Sex Leave a comment A+ / A-

man-with-cocktailBar tender I’d like something special from the bar you know that drink that everyone loves to have before they retire to a good nights sleep?

Do you know the ingredients sir? …. Well let me think, from memory it is two parts testosterone, one part oestrogen, a splash of progesterone, a twist of noradrenaline or two, a large dose of dopamine and a good measure of serotonin and oxytocin. Lightly stirred not shaken.

Yes sir I know the drink well, it’s called an orgasm -that’s it, you got it !

We all require the right amount of hormonal fuel to increase our sexual desires, but even when the right hormonal cocktail is present it may not be enough to spark you and your partner into action.

It takes much more than just hormonal fuel to ignite the sexual fires of desire.

Despite men thinking about sex at least once every hour, women just don’t as they have to contend with much more in their daily grind of looking after the children, the homework, the cooking, cleaning, house duties and on top of it all they have to deal with their biology; the ever changing hormonal heart beat of their menstrual cycle.

Male sexual advances are not always met with a warm reception

It should come as no surprise then to most of us, that our male sexual advances are not always met with the warm reception we had hoped and planed for.

A lot of relationships have fallen apart as a result of this great divide between the high male sex drive and that of the lower female sex drive. This sexual desire discrepancy gap can be a major problem for couples who have many pressures to face in this new brave world that we are now living in, one that constantly places us all behind the eight ball when it comes to what we ourselves have come to expect from each other in the bedroom, at home and at work.

Sex drive discrepancies in relationships

By illustration, I’d like to discuss a couple I treated a while back. I had the pleasure of treating a couple 3 years ago with sex drive discrepancy that was at breaking point. Their relationship was truly in trouble and on the brink of divorce. He was 43, a structural engineer, and she was a 40-year-oldschoolteacher. She had left her work after the second child was born to concentrate on nurturing her children and maintaining a harmonious home. They had been married for 15 years.

Their first two years together were fantastic; they had been having sex up to three times a day. The sex would take place at any time of the night or day.  It was spontaneous and it was so very good.  All this changed after the third child had come along.  Now they were lucky to be having sex once a month. Let me recount some of the consultation to you:

“What planet are you on, try having sex after you have cooked the dinner, done all the home work and put all the children to bed!! See how sexy you feel after that!!


“What is she going on about? I’ve given her a new house, a new car and all the trappings of life what else does she want from me”


“I need more than money, I need some one that gets me, that understands what I’m feeling”


“You just don’t get it do you?  You have never been able to get it, have you?”


“The funny thing is that I feel guilty when I don’t give him sex at night, you know, I just can’t do it, not because I don’t love him, because I still do, I’m so tired and I can’t connect with him emotionally.”

“I need to connect with him emotionally, if only he would hold me and talk to me and not just try to stick it in and get off and satisfy his needs only. What about what I need as a person, he never considers what I need.”

Eliminating the sexual desire gap

1. You must support your partner emotionally

Providing financial security alone doesn’t cut it anymore. She and you need a new security that is of emotional security. She needs you to understand and feel what she is feeling. Try putting yourself in her shoes for a moment and realise how hard her tasks at home are.

She really needs your emotional support.

Spend some quality time at the end of each day with each other. Ask her how her day has been and what you can do for her to make it better and then do it; really help her.

It may be of interest to all of you to know that the most common stated reason for filing for divorce is emotional distress. Most men find this surprising and they just can’t see or comprehend it.

So you need to feel her emotions and be in sync with her emotional connectivity, only then will your sexual relationship improve.

Remember your partner needs to feel emotionally connected to you, the sex will not only come, and it will be abundant and flowing.

2.  Become aware of your partners most receptive time

Its will be difficult to have sex despite your emotional connectivity if she just is not receptive to your advances. For the greatest success you need to be connected not only emotionally to her but also to her menstrual cycle. Most men don’t have a clue when it comes to their partners different menstrual cycle phase; so it may pay you well to really know your partner’s cycle. For your partner will be more receptive to your sexual advances during the period ovulation; it is instinctual and if you have played your cards right and provided all the emotional connectivity she requires then you will get your orgasm and she will get her emotional connection through sex. Try to keep clear of her early or very late in the cycle phase where you are sure to end up disappointed and relegated back to the confines of your cave as theses time tend to be characterised by emotional volatility of frustration anger and temper.

3.   Share the home duties bliss

You need to participate; you just can’t get home, put your feet up and bury your head in the newspaper. Ask her how you can help her with the domestic chores, the kids homework, dare I say it with the cooking, washing and the ironing. The sooner these tasks are completed the greater are your chances that one she will have the energy to participate and second feel a greater sexual desire towards you; as you have played a greater role than telling her that you have given her everything that she has through your financial hunting. She knows that your are the financial provider and she may well even feel that she has not contributed financially to the partnership. This in itself can produce an even greater gap in her desire to have sex with you.

4.   Allow your male emotional freedom through sex

Males express their emotions through sex; they have for many millions of years.  They will invariably tell their female partner they love them and share their most intermit secretes with them during sex. This is how they emotionally connect with you. That is not to say that they don’t need to learn true emotional connectivity to really satisfy you outside the bedroom.

5. Finally –  Sex is good for you !

No really it is.  The research confirms it.


I still love my cocktails at night Reviewed by on . Bar tender I’d like something special from the bar you know that drink that everyone loves to have before they retire to a good nights sleep? Do you know the in Bar tender I’d like something special from the bar you know that drink that everyone loves to have before they retire to a good nights sleep? Do you know the in Rating: 0

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