Just saying NO to drugs and alcohol doesn’t cut it anymore, the statistics are there to prove it, and what I see in my office and in our community support that we have a massive problem when it comes to alcohol, drugs and our children. The current approach in drug education is just not working.

A better and more supportive approach when it comes to drug education is to just say: “KNOW” that is;

Our children need to “KNOW”

• What drugs and alcohol can do to them.
• What drugs are made from.
• What’s in the drugs they may take; what they are cut with.
• What they can do if things go horribly wrong and they or a mate end up in a drug and alcohol emergency.

So it makes good sense to give our children the message that their safety and wellbeing is the most important thing to us as their parents.

We need to talk to our children about alcohol and drugs honestly, caringly and without any preconceived ideas as to how our children will react and what they will do if they come in contact with illicit drugs.

Recently I came across a letter that a mother working in drug and alcohol wrote to her son in an effort to explain the ins and outs of illicit drugs and alcohol to him. It is a great blue print on how we might want to broach the subject with our children when it comes to alcohol and illicit drugs.

After telling her son Johnny who was a freshman in High school the truth about various drugs, discussing their dangers and explaining why she felt that he would be smart to abstain from them completely she ended her letter as follows:

“Despite the advice to abstain, you may one day choose to experiment. I will say again that this is not a good idea, but if you do I urge to learn as much as you can and use common sense. There are many excellent books and references including the internet that give you credible information about drugs, you can of course always talk to me. If I don’t know the answers, I will try to help you find them.

If you are offered drugs, be cautious.

Watch how people behave, but understand that everyone responds differently-even to the same substance.

If you decide to experiment, be sure you are surrounded by people you can count upon.

Plan your transportation and under no circumstances drive or get into a car with anyone else who has been using alcohol or other drugs.

Call us or any of our close friends at any time, day or night and we will pick you up –No questions asked and no consequences.

And Johnny please use moderation. It is impossible to know what is contained illegal drugs, because they are not regulated.

The majority of fatal overdoses occur because young people do not know the strength of the drugs they consume or how they combine with other drugs.

Please do not participate in drinking contests which have killed too many people, whereas marijuana by itself may not be fatal, but too much can cause you to become disorientated and sometimes paranoid and of course smoking can hurt you latter in life and now.

Johnny as your father and I have always told you about a range of activities (including sex) think about the consequences of your actions before you act. Drugs are no different.

Be sceptical and most of all be safe.” Marsha Rosenbaum of the Lindsmith Center San Francisco.

Leaving the lines of communication open and offering support and knowledge to our children is the key to drug education.

Our children will experiment what they must not do is become dependant on these substances or worse yet die in the process.

As a drug educator my approach is that of teaching; saying KNOW to drugs- knowing about drugs and alcohol and arming our children and you as their parents with life saving information and skills that are essential in making a difference to our children and to our families.

By doctor tg: founder of the 3 minutes all it takes to save your mate drug education program.

With the end of exams and High School our teens are looking forward to some relaxation and a lot of partying and we want them to have fun; but not at the expense of their safety, their wellbeing and in some cases even their life can be put in jeopardy.

15,000 or so students are about to hit the Gold Coast to party, dance, drink to levels that may be dangerous to their health and even partake in experimental drug use; and in combination of the environment, their peers and the alcohol and drugs which can produce risk taking behaviours and an array of other associated problems including unsafe and unwanted sex and disinhibited behaviours, we can’t help but worry about our children in such a volatile environment.

We all realise that our teens can make some wrong choices

and do some pretty dumb things

when they are out and about with their friends.

So as parents we have to do what we can to at least make them aware of what can happen if they drink too much and if they take drugs whilst they party.

Here are my 10 tips to keeping your teen safe at schoolies: 

1.           Know where your teen is going to be: as parents we need to know where our teens are at all times; so have a set of phone numbers and check in times for your child where they can contact you and where you can contact them.

2.         Alcohol talk: discuss with your teen the amount of alcohol that is safe for them. 2 drinks max a day will keep them safe.  Binge drinking 4 or more drinks for girls or 5-6 drinks for boys in succession will cause them harm; intoxication, brain development retardation and can produce sudden collapse and even death. Tell them to space their drinks out; no more than one an hour and to eat in between and add a glass of water or soft drink in between their drinks.

3.         Drink spiking: make your teen aware that they are vulnerable to drink spiking and do not, under any circumstances, accept any drink from anyone including water in a club or even at the beach. Never leave your drinks unattended.

4.         Unsafe sex: under the influence of alcohol, drugs or the combination of either: your teen may have unprotected intercourse and may not even know what they are doing. They are predisposed to date rape, sexual abuse, unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases (chlamydia, gonorrhoea, herpes, venereal warts, HIV)

If you think your teen is going to have sex whilst away, then at least talk to them about safe sex and send them away with condoms.  But reinforce a strong message that they should not have sex under the influence of drugs and alcohol.

5.         Drugs: your teen may experiment with drugs so it is up to you to have the discussion on drugs with them. You need to make it clear that they can easily die from the drug and its impurities and, YES,  their fist time can end up being their last.

6.         10 minutes lost in action Buddy system: tell your teen to hang with their friends and mates (there is safety in numbers) when they are out and about. Have a system in place if one goes missing. A good measure is to have a 10 minute lost in action rule: if anyone is missing for more than ten minutes then they need to contact them and find out where they are and what’s happening.

7.         Have enough money to get home: make sure you tell your teen to have enough money, at least $20, to be able to cab it home if they are drinking and not to drive under any circumstances if they are under the influence.

8.         Crisis intervention:  if things really go wrong then your teen needs to know that it’s ok to get help immediately from the police, and the ambulance as they are there to help them in these circumstances.

9.      Open lines of communication: leave the lines of communication open.  It’s important to tell your teen that you understand that things may go wrong and that they may get themselves in trouble and things may go down which are beyond their control.  If this happens tell them that it’s ok for them to call you immediately at any time of day or night and that you are there to support them and to help them. Tell them that you won’t be angry, disappointed or judge them; you just want them to be safe and in one piece.

10.     Have fun and stay safe: as parents we want our children to have fun and to embrace this new period in their lives; but we want them to be safe and return to us in one piece; untouched, alive and vibrant.

My BFF has been acting strangely; she not the same person, she’s different. We were out the other night and she downed three glasses of vodka red bull and then she snorted a line of cocaine. When I confronted her; she told me to piss off.

 ”…What are you doing?

Don’t you know this stuff is going to kill you?…”

 ”….I just don’t care anymore, I’d be better off dead, at least then the pain would stop…”

“…What’s the matter with you?  Are you serious?…”

“….You’re looser…”

“….I don’t care, go ahead and kill yourself; see if I care…”

…Then the unthinkable happened….

Suicide is the the third most common cause of death in teenagers

Take them seriously.
Did you know that the third most common cause of death in teenagers is suicide. So if you mate or your besty tells you they want to end it all; take them seriously.

Look for the signs:
Common signs to look for:  sadness, hopelessness, irritability anger, hostility, tearfulness frequent crying, withdrawal from friends, loss of interest in activities, changes in sleep and eating habits, fatigue, difficulties concentrating, alcohol and drug abuse, vocalising and joking about committing suicide, reckless behaviour leading to injury.

Triggers: fight with friends, victim of bullying especially cyber bullying, breakup with boyfriend or girlfriend, drug dependency, and history of depression and suicide.

Think: pay attention to any signs of depression and take any talk about suicide seriously; never assume they are seeking attention or that they maybe joking.

Take immediate action:

Offer support: let your mate know that you’re there for them, unconditionally, let them know that you are willing to provide whatever support they need.

Be persistent: Don’t give up on your mate; if they shut you out at first, keep trying, don’t give up be persistent. Talking about how they feel and about their feelings of depression can be very difficult if not impossible. Respect you friends feeling and emphasize your concerns and your willingness to listen without judging them.

Listen: don’t judge, don’t criticise and once they open up to you about how and what they are feeling, avoid offering too much advice or giving them ultimatums.

Validation: don’t try to talk them out of their depression, simply acknowledge their pain and their sadness, if you don’t they will feel that your aren’t taking their feelings seriously.

Emergency action: if they tell you they are going to commit suicide then under no circumstances leave them alone, you must call for help immediately; kids helpline, lifeline, parents, a local doctor can all help you and your friend.

If they attempt suicide  call 000 emergency immediately.

#2 CONTEMPT

Every now and then, I come across a couple who have allowed resentment about each other to build into something much, much more and bigger than what they could have imagined possible, when this happens you have contempt. I have witnessed this in my office and I just get an uneasy sick feeling in the bottom of my stomach when I have to witness it and then deal with it; I immediately know that the couple is in danger and if they don’t do something their relationship will spiral down the road to an acrimonious divorce.

So what is contempt?

Contempt is when you or your partner begins to look down on the other or each other; you soon see them as inferior or worthless and you begin to express it through words or actions, especially during heated exchanges. There is a real bad energy associated with contempt.

Recognising contempt

One sign of contempt can be intentionally saying or doing things to communicate to the other person what a ‘nothing’ he or she is. It comes out in loud bursts with name-calling, hostile humor or ridiculing sarcasm, you may even tell your partner that you wished you never married them in the first place. It may be expressed not only in words, but also in the way you look at your partner or the tone in your voice. It can sometimes surface by saying negative things about your partner in front of other people or even in the presence of your closest friends or in presence of your children; this is done in the hope of showing others how bad your partner is too.

If the contempt continues it soon becomes an attitude and a habitual way of communicating with your partner.

A big part of what causes contempt is what you habitually tell yourself about your partner and their behaviors especially the ones that get on your nerves. You will find that you will often rehearse thoughts and create negative patterns of thinking by what you continually tell yourself about them. Rehearsing these negative and distressing thoughts soon puts your brain into an emotional imprinting mode and your brain soon gets wired to keep going into the same thought pattern every time your end up in a heated exchange with your partner.

Contempt is like having an open wound and someone keeps rubbing salt in it; it soon causes so much pain that it eats at your own outlook and destroys your relationship with your partner.  If you don’t break this pattern and the way you and your partner handle the conflict or distress in your relationship; you are likely to divorce, or if you stay together you will be miserable and just end up bitter and twisted.

Who wants to live with someone who thinks you are worthless?

Who wants to live with someone who is resentful of your relationship and always sees you in the worst possible light?  The answer is no one does and divorce soon is the result.

 Things you can do if contempt has taken a hold of your relationship

1. Remember the positives about your partner, what was it that made you fall in love with them in the first place, what did you love about them, was it their smile, their personality, their cheeky behaviour; try to bring that spark back.

It’s all still there, you just have to make the effort and scratch the surface and it will all reappear.

2. Replace the negative thought patterns and all the resentment with positives and happy thoughts about your partner remember the good times, what did you love doing together; get out there and do it re-connect before it is to late.

3. Imagine what it’s like for your partner who is on the receiving end of your contempt. How are your words, and your negative behavior coming across to your partner? You will be perceived to be uncaring, judgmental, superior, controlling, disconnected, nagging, critical, and angry; even if you don’t really mean it. Don’t forget it takes two to tango and two to argue and fight in a relationship.

4. Talking about it. When your partners behavior or something they said ticks you off or frustrates you, ask them if you can talk about it; to communicate in a non heated manner in the hope that something good may come out of it and the relationship can take a positive and more meaningful direction for both you. You need to talk about yours and your partner’s behavior and the effect it has on both of you. Only then can you heal the relationship rift that is developing between the two of you.

5.  Change your own behavior it is a good starting point in creating a better and the relationship that you want to have with your partner.

6. Recognize that bitterness, resentment, contempt, criticism and negativity not only damages your partner it damage you too.

 So stop it right now and get on with the love; make it a priority to communicate with each other and always look for the positives in yourself and your partner.

You have been drinking all night and that guy at the bar is giving you the eye and you are giving him all the right signals. He comes up to you and you guys strike up a conversation, he’s pushing all the right buttons and you love the attention as the night is drawing to an end, he puts the hard word on you. What about coming back to my place.

You don’t hesitate and before you know it your in his apartment and you have no bra or knickers on and you are going for it.  You awake in the morning, thinking what did I do last night: did we use condoms, is he safe or has he given me something or worse could I have been exposed to HIV.

I DON’T EVEN KNOW THIS GUY.

This is not an uncommon scenario with the data indicating that young women who consume alcohol at harmful levels greater than 4 drinks in one session can predispose themselves to experiencing a potentially harmful sexual situation; that may have devastating consequences most of which won’t go away just by sleeping it off. These may include; an unwanted pregnancy, an STI that you may be stuck with for life and an increased chance of infertility that may occur from a chronic sexually transmitted infection.

Look for the signs: if you have been drinking or have taken drugs this is not the right time or the place to have sex with anyone. Mixing drugs and alcohol with sex can have disastrous consequences on you.  You are more likely to have unsafe sex, which can lead to an unwanted pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

You just can’t make the right decisions when it comes to safe sex when you are under the influence.

Think: before you consider any sexual relationship; you have to ask some hard questions of yourself and about the partner you are about to have sex with.

Why am I going to have sex with a stranger?

Could he be carrying a sexually transmitted disease or worse could he have aids

Why would I have unprotected sex and put myself at risk is it worth it.

Have I had too much to drink or to much drug on board to make an informed and sensible decision.

 Take Action: the most powerful word that you can use when you are under the influence of alcohol and drugs is NO. If the person that is interested in you is sincere they will look you up when you are not under the influence and you can then make a judgement call based on all your senses.

If you do end up in their apartment you can still use that power word NO. NO I don’t want to have sex. Stop I want to leave. No I am in no condition to do this.

No one can force you to do anything you don’t really want to do.

Protecting your mate

Prevention is always better than cure so before you go out have a plan. Let your mates and even mum and dad know what you are doing and where you will be. Always have a mate with you that can watch your back; tell them if you intend to have sex or that you don’t intend to have sex. I know that you can’t always predict what you are going to do and in most cases it will depend on the situation; don’t forget that alcohol and drugs alter your perception and give you that extra confidence, that in some cases will make you feel invincible or even bullet proof. Remember that’s the alcohol this is not reality.

Have a Buddy system

Have a buddy system when you go out and stick to it; a concerned mother told me that she has set up a buddy system for her teenage daughter when she goes out and that it has worked for her daughter and her family so far;

“…Mums buddy system:

they always go out in  Pairs they stay aware of each others movements and a 10 min missing in action alarm. No-one is left solo. And no one goes home with any stranger no matter what.  

It’s worked so far…”

 In an Emergency: if you find that you have made the wrong decision make contact with someone that can get you out of it: mum and dad are reliable and they will do anything for you, a trusted girl friend and in an emergency 000 call for the police.

Before going out anywhere let someone know where you are going and where you are during the night have a person on standby that can get you help if it is needed.

Look after your mates they are fore ever

Is your relationship in trouble? Recognising the warning signs.

#1 Criticism

 What are the warnings signs that your relationship, partnership or marriage is hurtling towards an abrupt end?

Who is most likely to put the brakes on first and jump out?

 Most divorces are initiated by women, with almost two thirds of divorces being filed by them first.

Women generally seem to be the first to want out of a relationship or marriage. This is partly because they see themselves as being in charge of the relationship dynamics and in most cases they are the determining factor for success or failure. This stems from the fact that in most instances they see themselves directly responsible for resolving most if not all of the conflict that arises in and out of the relationship. Once they give up and throw in the towel, the fight most males are left in absolute dismay as they did not see it coming.

When it comes to relationship bliss most men are oblivious as to what their partner is really feeling on the inside and as a result they miss most of the subtle and sometimes most obvious signs that their partner is not happy.This puts untold pressure on the relationship and soon the spark and the burning desire for each other that once existed is lost.

There are 4 warning signs when it comes to recognising if your relationship is in trouble. This week we will consider the first sign that should be recognised and then resolved to bring back the love between you and your partner.

Warning #1 Criticism

I don’t know anyone that doesn’t have a small complaint or gripe about his or her partner. Complaining is normal and even healthy as long as it is done in a constructive and sympathetic way. Complaints that are specific are employed by all of us in an attempt to change our partner’s behaviour. Through this conflict we attempt to achieve an alternative outcome.

For example:  I’m not very happy that we don’t go to the movies together once and while anymore.

Criticism is personal

Criticism on the other hand is personal, it attacks the personality or character of your partner and can be damaging to any interpersonal relationship, let alone your marriage.

….You just hate going to the movies with me its just the way you are. What’s the matter with you?  You never want to do anything fun with me anymore….

We can all see that criticism can escalate and become destructive to our relationship. It’s like lighting a stick of dynamite attaching it to your partner and expecting it not to hurt a little when it blows. This is an unrealistic expectation to have.

Acknowledge the criticism

If you have criticised your partner then it is best to acknowledge it. Explain the circumstances and your reasons for it.

…I was angry because you don’t want to come to the movies with me; I need some me time with you once a while, and I miss the old days before the kids when we used to go to the movies together…

Criticism is destructive if it is not acknowledged 

Remember, criticism becomes destructive when it is not acknowledged. We begin to feel that we are not being heard, so the next time we are criticised it quickly stirs up old feelings and memories of the past, further damaging the foundations of your relationship.

If the criticism continues,  a vicious thought pattern cycle will soon develop between the two of you and repair in your relationship will become more and more difficult to achieve.

The repair process begins with acknowledgement

So begin the repair process by acknowledging your criticism, explain the reasons and the circumstances and you will prevent the first crack in an otherwise strong founded relationship.

Will you be there to crack open your nest egg?

You know, the one that you have been incubating for the last 30 or so years in preparation for that special day-your retirement?  

Or will someone else be enjoying the fruits of your hard work?

If you are like most of us you are spending more and more time working harder than you have ever before. With another GFC looming and billions being wiped off the share market day after day we can all be forcibly directed down the road of putting more and more things on the back burner or on that ever growing wish list that we never seem to get around to ticking off or leave until the time we are well into our retirement.

Are you spending less time on the things that really matter to you?  Do you spend enough time on your health and on your interests and hobbies? If you’re not, you may not be around to do so.

The limiting factor in life is your health. If you are not in good nick or you are sick and chained to some hospital bed or you’re dead, you won’t be coming back from the grave to do any of the things that truly matter to you.

For a long time we have been told that retirement is the holy grail, the be-all and end-all, the ultimate goal for most of us to achieve successfully. So many of our financial planners have drummed this into us year after year:

 “You need to plan for your retirement, you need to put as much as you can into the nest egg for that day- you’ve got to be well prepared”.

I am here to tell you that the worst thing that you can do is retire! Most people who retire,or rather, go on a permanent holiday don’t live long enough to enjoy their nest egg.  Those who have neglected their health and their interests and have just concentrated on work and squirreling away as much money as they can into their nest egg have a high risk of death within 5 years of their retirement.

Rather than viewing our retirement as a life changing experience that takes us in a split second from being a productive valued worker to being on a permanent holiday, we should be trying to make a seamless and gradual transition where our life continues to be productive and is enjoyable.

Turn your hobby into your work

A friend of mine recently told me that he sat his21-year-old down for one of those father son talks to give him some great advice.  He advised him to turn the things he loves, his interests and hobbies, into active income-producing work.  So,if you can,turn your hobby and interests into your work. But if you are like me and you can’t turn your hobby into your work right now then allow the seamless process of your retirement to make your interests and hobbies your passion through your work in the latter active years.

Enjoy the present

It is important that we learn how to enjoy the present.Many of us are so busy working that we tend to focus only on what we can and will do in our retirement and how much better our lives will be in the future. As a result we forget to enjoy the moment we’re in now.

There is no rhyme or reason why we have to put things on hold and wait for the future when we are no longer working so that we can enjoy travel, our hobbies and all the other things we have on our wish list.

There is also no reason why we have to feel that after a certain age we are made to feel that we have little to offer society. It’s simply not true, we have much more to offer and we will.

The most important cog in our retirement is our health

If you have been looking after yourself (in body, mind and spirit), making sure that you have been having all your regular health checks along the way,maintaininga sound diet, keeping up the exercise andtaking time for relaxationthen there is no reason why you won’t be there to enjoy the trappings that come with a great retirement, one that is productive and that means you don’t stay in work that you don’t enjoy.

In our latter years we must, and will, work at the things that we are passionate about, taking that hobby or interest to the next level and turning it into a new income producing business.

Do the things you love right now

If you plan right then you don’t have to put things off until retirement especially if you are in good health. You can have an active income-producing retirement, so there is no reason why you can’t do some of the things you were planning to do in your retirement right now.  If you love travel, playing golf, painting or whatever you desire take the time and make it happen right now.

Don’t look for excuses to put things off.It’s not good enough. You know the excuses. We’ve all used them before to justify our position for not taking action:

I just don’t have the time

If only I had more money

If only I didn’t have so many bills

 ……The list just goes on ….

The research supports that doing the things that we are passionate about and love in our younger and active years, means that we will live healthier, happier and more meaningful lives.

Take action right now

Don’t keep adding to the wish list; start right now.  Make it a priority to do the things that you enjoy now.  It will provide you with the right balance and give you the strength in both body, mind and spirit so you get to that nest egg in one piece and in the best condition to be there to spend your super.

Suddenly your BFF suffers a drug overdose.

They drop to the ground, they vomit, they start frothing at the mouth.

Then, the unthinkable happens, they stop breathing on you. You know that you must call for help, for an ambulance or even for the police to save their life. Unfortunately, calling for help may draw attention to you and your friend’s activities and the fear of being caught up in the whole deal and getting in trouble from your parents and the authorities causes you to panic.

And – you do nothing.

Your BFF sadly dies from your lack of activity and from the lack of emergency assistance.

You could and you should have done something.

BFF’s are hard to find and they are irreplaceable.

Drug overdose deaths in Australia are on the increase; with around 374 deaths from overdose from illicit drugs per year.(1)

Many of these drug overdose incidents take place in the presence of friends, who could help avoid the victim’s death by acting quickly. However, they hesitate to seek help because of fear of persecution from parents and police, as they themselves may be under the influence of illicit drugs and as a result may be incriminated by association.

So they choose to do nothing or by the time they muster up enough courage to act the victim has suffered irreversible brain damage and cannot be revived.

A recent coroners report (July 2011) found that a 21 year old man who consumed 15 ecstasy tablets before overdosing died because his friends did not call for help soon enough and by the time they did it was just too late to save him.

Making it ok to save your BFF

As parents we all have a responsibility to ensure the safety of our children when they go out with their friends. Even though we cannot be there to save them, we can provide them with enough security that if they do run into trouble they can come to us without the fear of being reprimanded or being told what a disappointment they are to their parents.

Most of us are aware that children do things that are not always right and we must accept that this is part of the learning process involved with growing up.

By becoming more accepting that our children are going to make mistakes and do some really dumb things, we can and must keep the lines of communication open between ourselves and our children. By doing so our children may just keep us in the loop when things go pear-shaped.

As the authorities (police and other law enforcement agencies) we have to make it okay for our children to call for help without the fear of being prosecuted by the police and the law for those who report a drug overdose to help the victim. Until we do this; our children will continue to have a fear when it comes to helping their friends who may have used illicit drugs and overdosed.

As a BFF there are really no excuses for not doing everything in your power to help when it comes to saving your BFF’s life when things go wrong.

You must recognise when your BFF is in trouble

As a BFF you must be able to recognise the signs and symptoms of drug and alcohol effects and impending overdose.

Click here to read:  Teenagers and drugs – 5 symptoms and signs of drug use

Saving your BFF

If your friend has overdosed, “dropped” to the ground

• Call 000 emergency for an ambulance

• Check their airway for obstruction; one of the first responses to drug overdose is vomiting and the risk of drowning in your own vomit is high if the air way is not cleared

• Check circulation if there is no pulse start CPR immediately

• If airway and breathing are ok, then put your friend in the recovery position on their side and comfort them until the ambulance arrives.

You have no excuses. BFF’s are forever

(1). Australian drug statistics 2006

Out of 2000 suicides each year in Australia over 1600 are men.

These are shocking figures for the lucky country.

Suicide is four times more common in men than in women. It is alarming to think that 1600 of our boys take their own lives each year.

Many men make the decision to commit suicide very quickly that’s how the male brain works it evaluates a situation and then it sets out to find a solution quickly; to fix, to solve, to resolve the problem.

Add to this that our boys just don’t handle their emotions very well and can’t talk about what’s on their mind at the best of times with their friends, their partners, their wives.

The solution of suicide seems like a good option to them, especially at a time that they may be going through a turbulent time in their life. Suicide will put an end to all their pain and to life’s problems.

For these 1600 men the solution was to end it all and to do it fast without any warning to those who loved them.

What a tragic loss of life.

So how can we prevent this if there are little or no warning sign of what is going to happen? It is a difficult task but one that we must undertake if we are to change these terrible statistics.

As many men make the decision to commit suicide quickly it is essential that we can respond quickly to any warning signs that may be present.

Statistics tell us that the men who are most at risk are:

• Young or in their middle years 20-44 years old
• Men over 75 years
• Men living in rural or remote areas
• Men undergoing traumatic life events; relationship problems, separation from their children, unemployment, financial distress and social isolation. These events can lead to loss of self-esteem, shame, self-worth and guilt, which further increasing the risk of suicide.
• Men in prison or custody
• Men in indigenous communities

Factors that affect men’s emotional wellbeing

There are many factors that that can have a very negative effect on their emotional wellbeing and increase their risk of suicide these include:

• Isolation, loneliness, lack of social support; being there and being a friend is essential for these men at these times.
• Social exclusion; if you are in prison or in custody you have 3 times the risk of committing suicide as the general population.
• Work-related pressures, performance pressure, deadlines, budget expectations, job insecurity, increased workload under complex and ever-changing conditions.
• Work related injury and resulting disability.
• Relationship break down, divorce, loss of contact with family and children
• Financial and legal problems
• Chronic illness and pain
• Family history of suicide, or close friend or family member has committed suicide increase the risk for suicide
• Alcohol and drug abuse; one in three men who commit suicide are under the influence of alcohol or have used drugs to commit suicide.
• Mental illness, depression, psychotic illness and schizophrenia are a major risk for suicide.

Prevention of suicide in males

As a friend

Simply reaching out and offering a helping hand to a friend may be enough.Knowing that someone cares about them may change everything in a split second. The right word at the right time may mean the difference between wanting to live and wanting to die.

So if you think that your mate, partner, husband, work-colleague or someone you know is acting differently, is sad, not participating or they are just not right, ask them:

How are you feeling today?

Can I do anything to help?

This may be the only chance you get to save them and it may just be enough to allow them to open up and talk and share their feelings with you.

As a community

• Men are a special group; We need to become better at responding to men’s needs. As a community we need to recognise that men are a special group with different needs to their female counterparts.
• Positive approach; We need to take a positive approach. We must focus on the positives of health and concentrate on the management of stress, depression and staying mentally, physically and spiritually healthy.
• Value men; We must value our men and acknowledge their strengths their abilities and the vital role they play in the community and in the family unit
• Up-skilling men; We must give men the required skills when it comes to handling stress and depression, separation, work pressures; we must encourage men to talk freely and openly about their emotions and how they really feel about things in their life.
• Men need to network; Men need to be given the opportunity to chew the fat with each other a great initiative has been Mensheds Australia www.mensheds.com.au
• Health screening; We need to promote screening for men for depression and other mental and health illness.

If you know or recognise someone in your life who maybe at risk, do something about it offer your hand in friendship and get them the help they need.

We need our boys to stick around !!!

Helpful phone numbers:

Lifeline – 24 hour crisis counseling available across Australia: Ph.: 13 11 14

SANE Helpline – offers a wide range of information on mental illness and suicide prevention:  Ph.: 1800 18 SANE (7236); www.sane.org